4 Ways to Help Your Spouse Deal with Emotional Abandonment

Emotional abandonment can be a difficult issue to resolve. Emotional abandonment comes from many different sources. People who feel abandoned due to childhood trauma or a lack of emotional availability from parents or loved ones can experience trauma from a specific event in their life. Whatever the case may be, the person experiencing this needs to resolve it so they can participate in healthy relationships in the future.

This is especially true for spouses. It can be difficult to live with someone who has made themselves emotionally unavailable to you simply because they don’t know how to express their emotions having not had role models in their lives who expressed their emotions freely to them.

4 Ways to Help Your Spouse Deal with Emotional Abandonment

There are ways for spouses to support their partners in ways that can make them feel loved, appreciated, and validated. Here are four ways to help your spouse deal with emotional abandonment.

Be supportive

Support comes in a variety of ways. It can be as simple as giving them a hug or a rub on the back when they’re feeling rejected or lending a listening ear when they need someone to talk to. Refrain from dispensing advice or making the situation about you. Your spouse needs your support. If you truly love them, you will offer support in whatever way they need to feel loved.

Additional support might mean planning a getaway to take a break from some big emotions like abandonment. Spending time away together can help you draw closer as a couple and make you recall why you fell in love. Getting away from the toxic environment, situations, or people will also be helpful as the couple can get to know each other better. Taking a vacation helps the abandoned person feel seen and loved and fills their need for adventure and fun.

As a spouse, be sure to speak your spouse’s love language when they are feeling abandoned. Write them an encouraging note telling them you are there for them and care for them. Give them a small gift or a token of appreciation, letting them know you care. Hug him, physically touching them to show that you are there for them.

Serve them in big and small ways. In whatever way you feel necessary to show your support, do it without any strings attached. Do it often enough that your spouse will understand the depth of your love and support for them. Even if they don’t recognize your support, do it anyway. Love comes out of the abundance of generosity, not out of selfishness. It’s never good to love someone because you want to get loved in return.

Doing tasks merely to get your emotional needs met defeats the purpose of helping an emotionally abandoned person. The person who feels abandoned will soon catch on that you only reciprocate loving actions when they do it or copy the others’ actions, making them feel like a transaction, rather than a person. A transactional relationship is difficult and perpetuates emotional abandonment.

People never want to feel like they are a project that needs to be pitied or looked down on. People want to be valued and loved. If you want to care for someone dealing with abandonment, don’t make your relationship one that thrives only when one person initiates. Initiate actions without any provocation or initiation from the partner.

Cling to God’s promises

Christians need to read the Bible and understand Scripture. God gave us the Bible to better understand Him and communicate His great love for us. Scripture can be an excellent thing for people who are struggling with feeling rejected by people because of emotional abandonment issues.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The world does not know us because it did not know him. – 1 John 1:3

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. – Romans 8:1-3

These are great things to cling to when our minds are flooded with negative thoughts or high emotions. These Scriptures combat any opposing thoughts or emotions your spouse may be feeling. Discover other Scriptures that comfort you during your time of need.

Write them on index cards or bright pieces of paper and place them around your home so you are reminded of who you are. Your spouse is dealing with their emotions, and you don’t want to condemn them. Shaming them will cause them to question their worth and value because of past experiences.

By meditating on the truth of Scripture, your spouse can feel the great love of Christ. This love can help them realize they are not alone.

Pray together

Although it sounds simplistic, prayer can be a great means of showing support and strengthening your marriage. As you pray together each night, prayer will allow trust to develop between you and your spouse as you lean on God together. Each spouse communicates his fears, thoughts, and feelings in a safe environment.

A great way to show support and love to your spouse is to hear their prayers without judgment or condemnation. If they’re feeling down about a situation where a person has made them feel less than valuable, simply listen, hold their hand, and pray about it together as a couple. Turn the situation over to God.

It is easy in our technologically advanced world for people to rant on social media to get a temporary fix for their issues. That is not a healthy way to release emotions regarding needs and ultimately tears down character. Rather, turn the situation over to God and watch him work. Ask the Holy Spirit to be the salve that binds the brokenhearted.

Give your emotions to God in prayer. If you become angry when pouring out your emotions about the situation to God, make sure that in your anger you do not sin (Eph. 4:26). Though you may become angry with others, remember that it is never okay to be angry with God. He is the “Judge of all the earth” and you owe Him humble reverence, obedience, and submission. Though God cannot be hurt by your anger, anger with God is at root a form of sinful pride.

Have a heart-to-heart conversation

If your spouse is feeling emotionally abandoned by a family member or close relative, it may be time to sit down and have an open and honest conversation about the feelings. A relationship can never fully be reconciled with persons who are not open and honest about their feelings. A person merely ignores the feelings and does not fully express feeling the emotional abandonment.

However, expressing that feeling to the person using “I” statements may help bring a person to apologize and change their ways. A hard conversation may be the key to a person’s emotional wellness. It may be hard to go through at the time, but in the end, you may find your spouse’s emotional abandonment needs will be resolved, and they may be able to build trust and enjoy a good relationship with loved ones after all.

God is the God of reconciliation. His will is for us to be reconciled to be reconciled with people. Romans 12:18 states this when it says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Let’s strive to be spouses who support our spouses and lead them to healthy, rich, and rewarding relationships.