The Father in the Fight Against Porn

Part 4 of the How Pornography Affects the Family  Series 

In my previous articles in this series, I discussed the challenges that pornography use presents to today’s families and the crucial role that fathers play in protecting their families from the dangers of pornography. In this article, I continue this discussion and show the important impact that a father has in the lives of his sons and daughters.

The Lasting Effects of Pornography

Pornography affects the life and the mind of the individual who views it, and for those who are exposed to it at an early age the effects can be lasting. I often speak with men who were introduced to pornography when they were in their child or adolescent years, and it literally set the tone of their lives into adulthood. Some became sex addicts, while others remained casual users. These men often saw their marriages destroyed because they continued to view pornography after making a commitment to sexual exclusivity with their wives.

What Would Have Been?

The most heartbreaking stories I hear are from men whose fathers introduced them to pornography at an early age. I have often wondered how the lives of these men would have turned out if their fathers had instead modeled to them how to treat human sexuality as something sacred. I cannot help but consider the degree to which they could have helped their sons avoid years of emotional pain and relational distress.

A Father’s Influence on his Sons and Daughters

It is imperative that we realize that every male carries within himself the capacity to value, respect, and nurture others. However, this ability must be fostered from the earliest stages of development. A father serves as a primary resource in this regard. With regard to human sexuality, a father has considerable influence and he can show his son(s) what it means to treat women with a great respect. The question is whether or not we as fathers will effectively wield this influence for the betterment of our sons.

That being said, we must remember that fathers have no less of an impact on their daughters. The truth is that fathers play a vital role in shaping the sense of value and worth that their daughters experience in relation to their identity and sexuality. The messages that a father sends regarding this value can either provide the foundation of strength that his daughters need to stand against the tide of female sexual exploitation, both personally and culturally, or it can provide the point of pain that leaves them vulnerable to exploitation in those contexts.

Time and again I hear women disclose in counseling  how they were affected when they discovered or learned of their father’s use of pornography when they were young. Let me be blunt, the impact was not good. It caused them to spiral into questions concerning their father, their value as a female, and the health of their parents’ marriage. And it ultimately led to fear as to whether or not their husbands would view pornography themselves.

Every one of these conversations is difficult. Nevertheless the stories of these men and women bring to light the reality that pornography has a cynical way of destroying a family from within and the potential to create lasting generational effects. As fathers, it is time for us to draw a line in the sand and to declare that we have had enough.

The Unquestioned Influence of Fathers

Fathers, we are far too important to our children to not be examples to them of sexual integrity, purity, and respect. The truth is that we have a responsibility to lead them by modeling to them and teaching them how to avoid the pitfalls of pornography and the sexual exploitation and objectification of others. This is especially true in the midst of a media culture that has shown increasingly less concern for the damage our youth sustain from being exposed to sexually explicit material.

Have Courage

As fathers, we don’t need to be afraid of the negative trends. Let us rather be motivated to be present, involved, and courageous in engaging our sons and daughters in conversation that deals directly with the subject of pornography.

Are we willing to make key decisions every day to not allow pornography to be a part of our own lives? We can choose to not allow various form of sexual exploitation into our homes, whether through television, movies, social media, or apps. If we sustain and guard our own hearts well, we can more effectively serve as ramparts that protect our homes and remain ready to teach our children to do the same.

Christian Counseling in the Fight Against Pornography

Christian counseling is a unique resource where fathers can engage their battles with pornography usage and work to set their hearts right before God. This will enable them to more effectively lead and protect their families.

Seattle Christian Counseling is one such resource and if you would like more information or have questions on how you can get started in the Christian counseling process, feel free to contact us by going to everettchristiancounseling.com.