Understanding and Managing Teen Anger

There may be nothing so heartbreaking as to see your child trapped and unable to escape a difficult situation. It could be issues with substance abuse, feelings of isolation, and low self-esteem from being bullied. Struggles with depression may lead them to despair, or they may be struggling with anger, caught up in a hot whirlwind of unbridled emotion.

The challenges of the teenage years can be disruptive and detrimental to the teen’s well-being. When someone is hurting, the people around them hurt, too. That means if a teen is struggling with anger, the people around them will get hurt, not only from experiencing the teen’s uncontrolled anger but also from seeing a loved one struggling. Anger can be overwhelming for the one feeling it, as well as for the one who faces the brunt of it.

Teens and Anger

Why would a young person be angry? As caregivers or parents look at adolescents in their lives, they can be tempted to dismiss or minimize their teens’ problems. One shouldn’t make the mistake of concluding that teen concerns do not rank significantly when compared to more adult preoccupations, such as paying a mortgage or a car bill.

At each stage and season of life, we face challenges that might feel overwhelming to us, but don’t necessarily register the same for others. Some people get stressed by public speaking, while others relish it. With teen anger, it’s important for people in their lives to take it seriously and avoid making undue comparisons with other life concerns. The better posture is to try and understand what your teen is angry about, and how it’s affecting them.

There are several reasons why a teen might be angry, each requiring a different intervention. Knowing why your teen is angry can make a difference. The teen might be feeling irritated or bitter because of being treated unfairly by their teacher or coach. Your teen may also be feeling angry because they witnessed gross injustice, and they are processing it. Just like adults, teens can get angry because they didn’t sleep well or eat well, or on time.

Your teen may be experiencing anger for other, perhaps more challenging reasons. One of the symptoms of mood disorders like depression is anger and irritability. Anger could also be a response to difficult peer relationships, the stress from the pressures at school, or bullying. Puberty brings about hormonal changes that can result in emotional fluctuations that are difficult to regulate.

The Impact of Anger on Your Teen

When your teen experiences and expresses their anger, it can affect them in a variety of ways. Anger is an emotion that exists on a spectrum or scale. A person can be mildly annoyed by something, but they can also feel anything from violated, disrespected, furious, indignant, or resentful. Anger can issue aggressive behavior, but it can also be expressed calmly and in a measured way.

One of the challenges with teen anger is that, because of ongoing brain development, a teen may experience poor impulse control, making it harder to rein in their emotions. The result of this is that a teen may have a more intense response to anger and a less controlled expression of it, too. Anger outbursts aren’t uncommon among teens.

Anger can lead you to say and do things that you likely wouldn’t do under other circumstances. Anger short-circuits one’s ability to make rational decisions. In fight-or-flight mode, the primary drive is self-preservation, not social etiquette. Learning self-control takes time, and in the meantime, unbridled anger can have many detrimental effects.

A teen’s anger can result in strained relationships with their teachers, friends, and other loved ones. Conflict with peers can result in other issues like becoming socially isolated, as well as developing a negative self-image, which impacts their sense of self-worth. Angry outbursts may result in saying or doing regrettable things, leading to feelings of shame or guilt. The reckless or aggressive action of a moment can also impact future opportunities.

If your teen struggles with their anger, it can increase the risk of other mental health concerns like anxiety, depression, and maladaptive coping mechanisms such as substance use. It may also create difficulty focusing when they’re at school, which affects academic performance and their learning experience.

Signs of Anger Problems in Teens

How do you discern if your teen has anger issues? When is it appropriate to say that their anger has become a problem? For many parents and caregivers, these are some of the most important questions to ask because they will inform you of the next steps. Knowing the signs of anger problems can help a parent or caregiver nurture their teen.

Aggressive behavior If your teen engages in acts of physical or verbal aggression toward people, pets, or property, that is a sign of anger problems. This includes things like yelling, breaking things, hitting, scratching, punching, making threats, or throwing things.

Having frequent outbursts Things will happen that get a teen hot under the collar. However, if they have bouts of intense anger or irritability that seem disproportionate to the situation, that could point to something deeper going on.

Increased conflict You might notice that your teen is having sharp arguments or conflicts with their siblings, family members, friends, or authority figures. If they struggle to have a calm discussion with others and tend to escalate things toward deeper conflict, this could point to anger problems.

Difficulty calming down We all get upset or sad. Emotional regulation is about managing those emotions, including what we do in the aftermath. If your teen struggles to manage their feelings of anger after they’ve become upset, and they take a long time to calm themselves down, that is another sign of anger problems.

Irritability Another sign to look out for is when your teen is easily annoyed or frustrated by small things, more so than usual. They might become short-tempered or uncharacteristically snap at their siblings, suggesting that they are struggling to handle the healthy expression of their emotions.

Overly negative language Anger problems may also manifest in how someone uses their words. Hostile or aggressive language toward themselves or others could point to anger problems, particularly when they are threatening harm to themselves or others.

Withdrawal and isolation Teens may have a reputation for becoming recluses – at least with their family – living on their devices and shutting off others by going to their room. However, that seclusion may be distinct from when they avoid social interactions or activities with loved ones due to their anger or frustration.

Physical signs There are certain physical indicators of anger, which include a flushed face, rapid heartbeat, struggling to think clearly or articulate those thoughts coherently, increased muscle tension, clenched fists, flaring nostrils, uneven breathing, and so on. If your teen experiences these physical signs regularly because they’re angry, it points to anger problems.

A teen may be going through a tough season, and this can affect how they regulate their emotions. It happens to all of us. If you notice that these signs of anger are persisting, or that they are significant enough to interfere with your teen’s daily life, it may be helpful for you to seek support from a mental health professional. It’s important to get to the bottom of what’s happening and to get the support and help your family needs.

Helping Your Teen Manage Anger

When your teen is angry, it can be harmful to them and the people around them. It can damage their well-being, relationships, and other areas of life they are invested in. You can be part of the solution by helping your teen develop healthy anger management skills. Some of the steps you can take include:

Validate their emotions Frustration can mount if a person feels hurt and unheard. Even if you disagree, you can acknowledge your teen’s feelings, showing that you understand and empathize. Creating a non-judgmental space for them to express their feelings can be a huge help, allowing them to communicate freely.

Help them identify triggers As your teen develops, they may not be aware of how their own anger works. You can help them recognize situations or emotions that typically lead to anger. This will prepare them to be self-aware and face those situations in the future.

Teach them coping mechanisms There are many healthy ways to cope with anger, and you can encourage the growth of skills like deep breathing, cognitive reframing, exercise to relieve stress, or journaling to articulate and understand emotions. You can help them create an anger thermometer to assist in identifying and managing their anger.

Model healthy self-expression Anger can be expressed in healthy ways. A teen isn’t born knowing how to do this, so they need help. Demonstrate calm, respectful communication to them, so that they have something to model their own behavior on.

Set clear boundaries Instead of stifling them, having clear rules and consequences for aggressive behavior can help your teen flourish. It also prepares them for life.

Seek professional support The reasons for anger problems can be complex, and sometimes there’s value in creating space for your child to share their experiences with an independent third party.

If you are concerned about your teen’s anger problem and would like to consider therapy, or if your teen’s anger is impacting their daily life negatively, you can get help at my office. I will be glad to provide faith-based counseling and support to get to the root of the anger and learn how to manage it.