Relationship Problems and Their No-So-Quick Fixes

Relationship problems are very common. You may have them currently as we have all had them at some point in our lives. Some problems are deal breakers, but the good news is that there are very effective ways to solve many common issues before they shipwreck the relationship and leave it at the bottom of the ocean.

Here are a few common relationship problems and corresponding solutions that can prevent the relationship from turning sour.

Taking the Relationship for Granted

Familiarity breeds contempt, right? This is the sentiment that says that if you know someone very well your respect for them starts to wane as you increasingly become more familiar with their bad, less admirable qualities.

As you both become more comfortable with one another and have spent a lot of time together it may be easy to start falling victim to the relationship problems that surface when you start taking them for granted. During this time it is sometimes easier to start developing separate interests and hobbies and make friends outside of your relationship. These are not bad things in and of themselves, but they may draw you apart as you spend less time together.

It is key to remember to continue to spend quantity and quality time with one another. Because life is busy this becomes hard. When you plan your weekly routine, ensure that you have a date once a week. This simple step can make a significant contribution to your relationship and show that you can prioritize one another.

Also, if you are involved in too many activities that spread your attention too thin to benefit your relationship, perhaps reconsider how you would act differently if your relationship was a priority. Then make the changes necessary and carry them out.

Trust Deficiency

Relationship problems often start when the foundation of trust is damaged and weakened. Trust is a clear sign of a healthy relationship, and the lack of it points to the opposite.

There are different types of trust in different relationships. In a family relationship, you have the trust that comes with family. Ideas like blood is thicker than water are common phrases when it comes to the family trust. In these relationships, you are loyal to one another through thick and thin.

In a friendship, there is a type of platonic trust which you share with your best friend. Romantic relationships are founded on the understanding that you and your partner will act in the other’s best interest and assume the best of the other. If this trust is being damaged then getting to understand why this is the case is the first step toward repair.

Did your partner act in a way that damaged the trust between you such as lying, cheating, showing a lack of commitment, or carrying trauma from their past relationships? Finding this out will inform your next steps and help you both to restore trust in your relationship. Transparency and honesty are both needed to communicate both your needs and those of your partner. Meeting the needs of one another enables you to feel safe in the relationship, and this then accelerates the growth of trust between you.

As you and your partner respect and listen to one another you hear the other person’s needs, and in helping to fulfill these, trust is built. It can certainly be difficult to adopt an attitude that allows you to have emotional conversations at random times, so besides date night, look to schedule a check-in with your partner. Scheduled time together may sound boring, but it need not be.

Check-ins can be a regular time each week where you bring your concerns out into the open and listen to one another with an attitude of love and respect. Having a specific time to deal with minor issues before they morph into wrecking balls shows that you not only care but are doing what it takes to ensure the relationship lasts into the long term. And this builds trust.

Rebuilding broken trust often takes longer than building it for the first time, as there is a deficit that needs to be overcome.

Setting And Respecting Boundaries

What types of boundaries are present in your relationship? There are probably many. These may include boundaries of what we do with our time, how we spend time together and apart, physical boundaries, and even ones for things like hobbies and social media. Relationship problems often originate from a lack of boundaries and having different tolerance levels for various topics.

Without clearly communicating both of your boundaries, and then respecting the boundaries that are set, assumptions and misunderstandings can quickly arise and damage the relationship.

Protecting your relationship through setting healthy boundaries is a responsible and proactive thing to do. This is not only regarding your relationship but it also gives you opportunities to take ownership of your actions and emotions.

Recognize that we all have different styles to settle conflict. If you are tempted not to deal with issues as they arise in a healthy assertive manner there is a risk that you fall into the temptation to procrastinate. This opens the door to resentment and passive-aggressive behavior.

If you ever feel like your boundaries are being disrespected, bring it up with your partner. If you cannot bring it up at the moment, then make a note of it and bring it up at the scheduled time. This popular technique used to maintain and strengthen relationships does require intentionality but it is worth it.

None of us are mind readers, and as your partner cannot read your mind, you owe it to them to express yourself. As much as you hope they would show the same honesty and vulnerability when they are in the same situation.

One interesting thing about boundaries is that they can change over time. Keep these in mind as you enjoy open and regular communication.

Failures To Communicate

The lack of communication is viewed by many as the primary origin of relationship problems. Not only is it important all by itself but it is a central pillar supporting many other facets of your relationship. Words of affirmation, honesty, getting to know one another, being vulnerable, understanding boundaries, and more are made possible through effective communication.

If you are struggling to communicate within your relationship it is important to try and express yourself. And to encourage your partner to also prioritize communication. If you are looking to deal with relationship problems but know you do not communicate well, then start to practice these effective communication methods.

One way for communication to work better is through face-to-face communication. Face Time and video meetings are a poor substitute for the real thing. Talking things over in person is far more effective, even if they may feel more exhausting. Holding a difficult conversation over the phone may seem preferable, but having it in person enables a more emotional connection with less misunderstanding and miscommunication taking place.

Repeatedly Fighting About The Same Thing

It does not take an expert to tell you that all couples fight. Conflict is a natural and important part of every relationship. It is not the cause of relationship problems but is often the outcome. Conflict is useful for navigating differences in your opinions and can bring unhealthy elements of your relationship to light before they become significant issues.

To accurately understand the role of conflict, it is important to acknowledge that not all fights are good or healthy. The healthy part of a fight is the resolution at the end where a compromised solution is jointly decided upon and you join together to bring your relationship to a stronger point.

However, without a resolution, the fight is unresolved. And so it repeats. Just as there are rules about fighting fair, both you and your partner should determine to have productive fights that lead to resolution.

It may be that the resolution is not what you wanted, or that even a productive fight is uncomfortable. But avoiding repetition in fights and covering an issue just once before coming to a resolution about it, will enable you to build a stronger relationship without frequent fights compromising the integrity of its foundations.

Christian Counseling for Dealing with Relationship Problems

If you’re looking for additional help to better understand relationship problems beyond this article then why not browse our online counselor directory or contact our office to schedule an appointment? We would be honored to walk with you on this journey.