Dealing with Loneliness: How Christian Counseling Can Help

There are certain times of the year when it can be especially hard to deal with loneliness. Whether it’s approaching the holidays or a significant milestone in your life, like a birthday or graduation, it can be painful to be lonely.

It’s at that time that most people yearn for a sense of connection with others, but it can prove elusive for a variety of reasons. We can all experience loneliness, and there are healthy ways for us to cope with it.

Loneliness as a Painful Challenge

Have you ever heard the statement that you can be sitting in a crowded room and still feel lonely? That isn’t an overstatement or exaggeration – you really can be surrounded by people and still feel disconnected and alone.

Loneliness is when you yearn for a connection with other people, but for one reason or another, that connection just doesn’t seem to happen. In this way, loneliness and isolation are quite different from solitude, which is voluntary.

We are social beings, and that means we do better when we have meaningful connections with other people. Much has been explored about the differences between extroverts, introverts, and even ambiverts.

Regardless of where you fall on that spectrum, you still want some form of human contact and connection; you might want more or less of it than other people, but it’s still a fundamental human need.

The fact that we’re social beings is what makes loneliness so difficult to endure. We want to connect, to be seen, heard, understood, and to be present for others in the same way. Being deprived of that opportunity, for whatever reason, is at the heart of loneliness. It’s a painful challenge to undergo.

Some Reasons Why We Feel Lonely

Loneliness is multifaceted, and there are many reasons you might experience loneliness. You might be lonely because you’re far away from the people you know and love, and you haven’t formed new, meaningful connections just yet. This can happen in the days, weeks, and months after you’ve moved to a new city or country away from family and friends, and before you’ve made other social connections.

Another reason for loneliness is when a significant relationship ends. Whether it’s a breakup, separation, or divorce, the loss of a significant relationship can be socially and emotionally isolating. If you have low self-esteem, the negative self-perception you hold of yourself can make it hard to form and maintain social connections, and you may even distance yourself from others who want to be with you.

You can also experience feelings of isolation if you have mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety, or you’re living with a chronic illness. Other people might not understand or relate to these experiences, which can create a sense of isolation.

In a somewhat similar fashion, if you experience trauma, such an experience can lead to feelings of loneliness and a disconnect from yourself and others.

Loneliness can also be rooted in our lifestyles. Forming meaningful connections with others that we can count on requires a significant investment of time and energy. However, busy lives, demanding work, and hectic study schedules can leave little time for socializing and forming those precious bonds. We want to connect with others, but our lives may not have much room for that to happen successfully.

Similarly, using our technology and tools such as social media too much can create a sense of isolation. These tools can create a superficial sense of connection with the global village, but that sense of connection isn’t sustainable or easily translated into our everyday lives. Sometimes, social media can, by communicating societal expectations and pressures, contribute further to feelings of loneliness and disconnect.

Other factors that may influence feelings of loneliness include getting older. Aging comes with many things, and older adults may experience loneliness due to their declining health and mobility, loss of loved ones, or reduced social interactions and loss of activities over which to bond with others. Caregivers looking after a loved one can also feel isolated and lonely due to the weight of their task and how absorbing it can be.

Dealing with Loneliness

Though our world has never felt smaller, it seems as though the gulfs between us are ever widening. Loneliness is a common experience that can affect anyone, regardless of their background or circumstances. You might be experiencing loneliness, whether people you care about and who care about you are around you or not. If you experience loneliness, you should reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional for support.

When you’re feeling lonely, what you need in that moment is a sense of connection. One unhealthy way of dealing with this need for connection is to try to numb it through substance abuse, or to try to pretend it doesn’t exist. Some things will distract you for a bit, but they won’t suffice in the long run. Dealing with loneliness can be a challenging exercise, but several healthy strategies can help.

You can try to reach out to others, to connect with friends and family, so that you can talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. You can also seek out connections by engaging in activities and hobbies that interest you, particularly if these can be done with others, such as playing sports or volunteering. Going to a social event where you can meet others with similar interests can also be effective.

Dealing with loneliness requires addressing it using short-term and longer-term solutions. For instance, in the short term, you can watch a TV show or a movie, allowing yourself to drift away and get lost in another world. Stories can be deeply immersive, and finding a good one, whether it’s an old favorite or something entirely new, can stave off the feeling of loneliness for a while.

It is important to find ways to deal with loneliness that can last longer than a 2-hour movie runtime, especially when loneliness is persistent. Pursuing things such as taking a class or course where you can play music, paint, go rock climbing, write, or read with others might help you find old and new ways of connecting with yourself and other people. These can also provide you with creative means of expressing feelings of loneliness.

Other steps you can take include:

Regular exercise Physical activity can help improve your mood and reduce feelings of loneliness.

Good sleep hygiene Sleeping well is important for emotional regulation. Aim for around 7-8 hours of sleep per night.

Eat well Aim for a balanced and healthy diet with nutritious foods that promote your overall well-being.

Play with a pet Enjoying quality time with an animal, particularly one you can interact with, can help alleviate loneliness.

Get plugged in Participate in local community events such as meetings, festivals, and gatherings. This can help to create a sense of connection and belonging to something bigger than yourself. You can also create a sense of belonging by taking a simple step like making your living space feel comfortable and welcoming, for yourself and others.

Build healthy relationships with others Show a genuine interest in others, listen with empathy, check in regularly to stay connected with others, and allow yourself to be vulnerable by sharing your feelings, experiences, and thoughts.

It’s only when you’re vulnerable, and that vulnerability is honored and reciprocated, do you feel deeply connected to others, and it takes courage to step out and share yourself.

Nurture your emotional intelligence It’s also important for you to have a better understanding of yourself and your needs. Through self-reflection, you can better understand what you need, and that’s vital if you’re to effectively communicate and express yourself to the people in your life. It’s possible to feel needlessly isolated because of a lack of communication.

Seek professional help Overcoming loneliness takes time, effort, and patience. You must talk to a counselor, as they can help you address any underlying issues that may be contributing to your loneliness. Your counselor can help you build meaningful relationships and work with you to nurture your emotional intelligence.

Whether through individual or group counseling, you can receive the guidance and support you need to address loneliness. Contact our office today to learn more.