I Hear You: Guidelines for Active Listening and Effective Communication

In our world, there is no lack of chatter in the public sphere. Our headlines are characterized by opposing viewpoints and the clash of wills and agendas. While there is nothing wrong with having differences of opinion or experience, it seems that our society lacks civility in expressing our thoughts while demonstrating respect for others through active listening.

We need not be deceived into thinking that this only fuels around the time for elections and political contests, but it shows itself in our interpersonal communication and connections. Regularly, we see evidence of people elevating a sense of rightness. We categorize people who differ from us into “other,” dismissing their humanity and painting a caricature that looks like how we choose to view them.

When we compare what we see unfolding in public disagreement with the communication style that occurs in our own lives, we may not see much difference. Families and friends have divided along the fault lines of their convictions. It seems that few are willing to agree to disagree or find a place where we can respect each other’s differences and remain affable.

Divinely inspired communication

While we may not be able to control what others in public or private spaces are doing, we can positively influence our world with words that affirm and heal. Learning to communicate is an important skill that we require for every kind of relationship.

Listening to others and expressing what we think and feel from a place of love is critical if we want to engage with others with relevance, meaning, and lasting impact. When we consider guidelines for effective listening, we can look to the Bible to coach us when communication is difficult.

Jesus had one of the most complex experiences of any that walked the earth. He was God and He was human. It seems unfathomable all that He had to endure, not just to save us from sin, but to model how to live. He doesn’t expect perfection from us, but He has provided an immaculate example to inform and inspire how we can walk with Him in faith, love, and obedience.

Despite our flaws and our fallen world embroiled in conflict, Christ empowers us to do what we couldn’t do on our own. He pioneered, having lived and walked with God and others at a time when political unrest, economic uncertainty, and cultural clashes were the norm in a noisy world much like ours.

Our perfect personal example

Jesus navigated difficult moments with boldness and ease, choosing to honor others and regard them with the tender love of the Father. He acted with strong conviction, committed to fulfilling nothing less and nothing different than His God mission.

Contrary to other people’s agendas, He initiated encounters with people such as Zaccheus, the woman at the well, and the one who was drawn out in the act of adultery, who were all considered scandalous, invisible, or despicable in the public eye. He spoke to them, as well as the disabled and demon-possessed, not only pausing to listen for human responses but also engaging an unspoken narrative only articulated through the language of the heart.

Jesus captured the soul cry of parents, infirmed individuals, and those suffering from excruciating conditions for extended periods. He responded to more than their words, but the resounding lament of their pain.

Each of the Gospels depicts Jesus from a different angle, highlighting the roles that He occupied in the public ministry. As a friend, teacher, son, and change agent, Jesus offers a living example to illuminate our pursuit and practice of active listening and effective communication skills. He sought to honor the Father above all, and in doing so, He elevated, challenged, and transformed those made in His Image.

Jesus’ life furnishes lessons to learn and pillars to lean on as we listen and speak the Truth in love, with wisdom and intention. The following will highlight practical strategies and key spiritual insight to guide us in active listening and effective communication with those whom we encounter.

Active listening

One of the commonly noted strategies for effective listening emphasizes that we have to stop talking and give space, focusing exclusively on the speaker. While we carefully listen to another’s words, we can also communicate that we are taking in what the speaker has to say.

Nonverbal gestures such as eye contact, head nodding, and appropriate verbal cues convey that we are present and following the narrative they are expressing at the moment. As we do this, without interruption, we offer undivided attention to the other person, communicating respect, even if we don’t necessarily agree.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. – James 1:19, NIV

Seek understanding through active listening

The importance of listening is not about trying to gather points to rebut or refute. When we listen, we need to prioritize understanding. The Proverbs offer guidance with this, emphasizing that wisdom begins as we seek it.

Navigating relationships will require not only knowledge but a way to apply it, giving supernatural guidance to accomplish God’s eternal purposes. It may require time, energy, and attention, all worthy investments that nurture relationships throughout times and seasons.

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. – Proverbs 4:7, NIV

Process for perspective

As we consider our thoughtful response, we need to process what we’ve heard. Repeating what we heard the speaker say is one strategy that allows them to clarify any confusion and restate their true meaning, if necessary.

When we respond by paraphrasing or putting their sentiments in our words, it results in two positive outcomes. It extends empathy, iterating that we hear and understand their perspectives. It helps us to respond to them and the points they made from an informed and insightful place.

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. – Colossians 4:6, NIV

Weigh your words

In our endeavor to engage in effective communication, the Bible urges us to prioritize wisdom. It steers our course for engaging family, friends, and others. In understanding, we can apply wisdom in our interactions with others in situations that are characterized by gray areas.

Sometimes, right and wrong will not always be easy to map when our communication is muddy and our hearts are conflicted. The Holy Spirit, however, will always be ready to guide, causing our words to be seasoned with salt and graced for the hearers.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. – Ephesians 4:29, NIV

Peace and power

Our words have power. We need to use them for good, to build others up rather than tearing them down. It is not only what we say in communication, but how we say it that can either underscore our intended meaning or misconstrue our intent. We can learn and practice and be mindful of our body language, facial expressions, and tone. When we do, we extend grace to those who will hear what we have to say.

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. – James 3:17-18, ESV

Next steps to learn active listening

As we stretch and evolve into the next iteration of who God always intended, our communication practices need to advance. Part of personal growth and development is reflected in our ability to be open to the good things that God wants to show us as He connects us with others.

Learning active listening and speaking, as led by the Holy Spirit, are skills we need for natural and spiritual life. If this is an area of challenge for you, reach out to one of the counselors on this site and schedule an appointment to gain insight for engaging in stronger communication and connection with others.