When You Want to Take Control: How the Bible Can Reframe Your Perspective

When things go wrong in our lives, it is easy to try to control the situation or the people around us. We are grasping for anything that will make us feel as though we are okay. But in trying to control what is happening, we are only hurting ourselves and often hurting others in the process.

Examples of People Taking Control Throughout Scripture

When we take ourselves out of God’s plans for us, we often cheapen our experiences. A good example of this is when Sarah gave Abraham Hagar because she wanted a son. Sarah started to resent Hagar and Ismael and even had them sent away because it was causing trouble in her marriage.

When David slept with Bathsheba, he needed to cover up his mess. He insisted that Uriah, her husband, sleep with her to cover up the pregnancy. When Uriah refused, David put him on the front lines, which led to his death.

Circle of Control

The circle of control is a tool used in therapy to help people realize how little they can control in their lives.

The only things that we can control in our lives are the things that pertain specifically to us: what we think, how we act, how we react, what we say, boundaries we set, who we hang out with, and what we do. We cannot control, however, other people’s emotions or reactions. We cannot control things that are occurring in the world. We cannot control things that have happened to us, like abuse or traumatic events.

As Christians, there is an advantage. We are in God’s hands, and the Scriptures say that nobody can pluck a believer from His hands (John 10:28-30). He cares so deeply about us that He has provided for every need – even the things that we haven’t asked for. Jesus reminds us of this truth in the book of Luke.

“Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. If then God so clothes the grass, which today is in the field and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith?” – Luke 12:27-28, NKJV

Why We Try to Control Everything

The desire to try to control our situations often stems from fear. When something feels uncomfortable, we as humans will try to manage it. If we can say the right thing, that person might change their mind. If we can force somebody’s hand, maybe they will make a different decision. But in doing that, we often don’t get the outcome we want.

Control gives us the illusion of safety instead of the peace that surpasses understanding that God promised us.

Many people try to control relationships by trying to manage how people feel about them. Others try to control the future through overly planning, worrying, or overthinking. Some people are so afraid of pain that they try to avoid it at all costs, often missing out on things that could bring them joy or benefit them. This is often seen in people who have experienced deep trauma or abuse.

Control often follows through on its promises. Instead of lowering anxiety levels, they often increase. When we take responsibility for things that we were never meant to take responsibility for, we pick up burdens that weren’t meant for us. However, faith offers a different perspective.

The Christian life never guarantees that life will be easy. Jesus says the opposite. He didn’t say if trials come, He said when trials come. And He said to rejoice in the face of them. Jesus said that we won’t have to go through them alone. We can speak to our heavenly Father at any time and cast our cares on Him, because he cares for us. God remains present, even when everything seems like it’s falling apart.

Trusting God Through Managing Everything

Throughout scripture, God constantly tells people to trust him, even when they have no idea what may come. The book of Proverbs says it best.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. – Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJV

The verse doesn’t say that we will know what He’s doing; it’s just an invitation to believe that God has it covered. Sometimes when we pray and are not answered right away, it can be discouraging, but Jesus invites us to keep asking, keep seeking, and keep knocking. Trust means acknowledging that we are getting one piece of the puzzle when God has gone ahead and completed it.

Jesus must exercise trust in the garden of Gethsemane. He knew He would suffer unbearably, asking if there was another way, but eventually he said: “Your Will be done, not mine.” Surrender is not always easy, and a lot of the time, people have to wrestle with grief, anxiety, and fear. However, if Christians are to be like Christ, this is what God desires from His followers.

Surrender doesn’t mean that we don’t care. Often, we care too much. Surrender means that we stop trying to manage burdens that we were never meant to carry.

Practical Steps for Releasing Control

Letting go of hurt, anxiety, frustration, and pain is not often something that happens in a single moment. Sometimes people can be delivered from it, but often, God must prune our hearts and get us there gradually. Through self-control and paying attention to what thoughts we have, we can learn those skills.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• Is this something I can control?
• Am I trying to manage another person’s emotions or choices?
• What responsibility belongs to me, and what belongs to God?

When we can identify the difference, we can focus on what God really gave us to steward. Instead of trying to control, we can respond with wisdom. Prayer also helps us surrender. When we bring God our worries and fears, we are allowing Him to move on our behalf, because He can carry what we cannot.

The Apostle Peter put it perfectly:

Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. – 1 Peter 5:7, NKJV

In order to cast something, we must open our hands and release it. We cannot release something if we are holding onto it. Learning to trust God often looks like letting go of control and allowing Him to work in ways that we may not expect.

Our Responsibility

Our responsibility is insignificant compared to all the things that we do not have control over. Often, we pick up burdens we were never meant to and that causes damage and stress. We are called to steward our own hearts and actions in obedience to God.

When we try to control outcomes or people in our lives, we step into a role that was never meant for us. When we surrender these things to God, he moves in mighty ways. When we trust in God, He protects us, and we can trust that.

The invitation of the Christian faith is not to handle it on our own, but to trust the one who knows it all and holds everything together.