Articles
Different Types of Attachment and Their Effect on Relationships
How things begin makes a huge difference in what happens after. If your first meeting with someone is unpleasant, that may mean that your relationship is marked by that negative interaction and may never recover. However, an inauspicious beginning doesn’t automatically mean that the ending is already written. After all, things change, and predicted outcomes can be averted. This all relates to attachment and how a person engages in relationships with others. Just because you have a particular attachment style in your relationships does not mean it cannot be changed for the better. Before getting ahead of ourselves, it’s important to [...]
Why Do We Look to Jesus When We Are Anxious and Depressed?
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. – Hebrews 12:1-3 Why look to Christ? Hebrews 12 encourages [...]
When Forgiveness Is Hard: Survivors of Abuse and Trauma
You are sitting in your counselor's office. After weeks or months of tears and work you are well on your way to healing from your traumatic past. You have learned to identify triggers and work through panic attacks and anxiety. You are healing. It feels so good. Then comes the question, “Are you ready to forgive them?” All the work, all the healing comes down to this moment and you sit there, wondering how to answer. What forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is many things. It is a loving, humble choice that often comes with great relief, but there are some things [...]
Understanding How to Manage Anger
In looking at how to manage anger, it is helpful to better understand the three primary emotions. Psychologists normally agree that we all experience three basic emotions: love, anger, and fear. It is helpful to compare these to the three primary colors of red, yellow, and blue. Every color, shade, and hue we see is one of these three primary colors or some combination of them. In the same way, every feeling we experience in life is one of the primary emotions, or more likely, some combination of them. It helps to see that each emotion has movement and direction. Love [...]
Attachment-Based Therapy for Adults
Attachment-Based Therapy (ABT) is a form of psychotherapy that aims to address the issues people face as a result of their attachment styles. It is drawn from the influential work of British Psychologist, Psychiatrist, and Psychoanalyst John Bowlby’s attachment theory. We're only as needy as our unmet needs. – John Bowlby Attachment theory aims at explaining and predicting relational behaviors that people exhibit as a result of first relational encounters with caregivers. Bowlby argues that the closer and more stable relationships we have as infants, the greater the possibility for us to form long-lasting and fulfilling relationships with others when we [...]
Deconstructing People-Pleasing for Your Good: Relationship Advice for Women
There are very few people in the world, if any, who are happy being disliked by other people. We are deeply social beings, and being disliked, whether in reality, or in our own minds, feels like forced isolation from others; who wants that? We all engage in people-pleasing at times. Relationships with other people are a key part of what makes our lives feel like they’re flourishing. That makes sense, because at the heart of the universe is love. The whole of the Bible can be summed up in the twin commands to love God with everything we are and have, [...]
Signs of Anger Issues in Your Life: A Checklist for Angry People
Anger is one of many emotions that can and will be felt and experienced throughout life. Anger is what is called a primary emotion. A primary emotion is an emotion that is typically universally recognized and is displayed in the person’s body language and facial expressions and can be a result of anger issues. The other primary emotions are: sadness, disgust, surprise, joy, and fear. Despite what many people say, or even teach to their children, anger is not always bad or wrong. We even see Jesus display anger when He flips the tables in the temple. We are often taught [...]
Depression After a Breakup: Tips for Finding Yourself Again
Feeling down after a breakup is a typical emotion. You invested time and energy into a relationship that did not work out. But some breakups hit harder than others. After a breakup, you may go through the stages of grief: shock (denial), anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Many of us get stuck in the depression stage of the process. This pervasive sadness steals our motivation and stops us from living life. However, depression after a breakup is not the end, only another phase in the journey to finding yourself again. Why do breakups hit so hard? A breakup is a loss, [...]
Moods and Mindfulness: Managing Depression with Tools You Can Use
Depression is one of several mental health diagnoses that build momentum from the sadness, anger, and hopelessness that it deposits in those who experience it. Its symptoms influence our moods, behaviors, and bodies, leaving us as an exhausted, irritable shell of ourselves. It persuades us to trade our status as beloved sons and daughters for diminished esteem and enhanced distrust of God, ourselves, and others. As a result, we experience fragmented thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that isolate us from life-giving connections and activities. Furthermore, depression’s tentacles clutch and suffocate, squeezing out our vigor and zest, while convincing us that we are [...]