Articles
10 Christian Marriage Counseling Tips to Save Your Marriage
Ah, the good old days. Older people often reminisce about the period of the 1950s and early 1960s, when Howard Cunningham (Happy Days) and Ward Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver) ran the home. Yes, it was a time when faith and the traditional family were central to the American Identity. And in many ways, things were very good as far as marriages and families were concerned, as 65% of all children under the age of 15 were being raised in traditional breadwinner families during the 1950s. But we also should acknowledge there were issues as well, as hiding behind some of [...]
Telltale Signs of Sexual Abuse in Children: Easy to Miss, Important to Find
The issue of sexual abuse is a nightmare for parents, educators, and caregivers alike – and for good reason. When I was a young clinician, one of the most eye opening experiences I ever had was when I wandered into the local police station and asked to look through the list of registered sex offenders. That’s public record, by the way, so anyone can (and I’d argue should) find out where the registered sex offenders are living in your community. What does a sexual offender look like? Well, I sure found out that day. The truth of the matter is … they look [...]
Practicing Hospitality and Embracing Unity in the Church
This article is Part 2 in a series on the multicultural church. Practice Hospitality in the Church, then Move Toward Unity in Christ A model for hospitality in the Christian church is found in the biblical text of Acts 2:42-47. In this passage, the reader finds that the early church opened up their homes, finances, and resources to support and sustain all believers in Christ. There is evidence in Acts 2:47 that these actions gained the favor of all people and helped the early church grow larger. The context of this passage makes it clear that hospitality has less to do [...]
Building Healthy Relationships in a Multicultural Church
This article is Part 1 in a series of two articles. The United States of America is increasingly becoming more culturally diverse. Data from the U.S 2010 census paints a beautiful picture of diversity in this country (United States Census Bureau, 2011). Around 64% of the U.S. population reported their race as Non-Hispanic white. About 13% of the total population reported their race as black. Around 16% of population identified themselves as Hispanic. Asians represented about 5% of the population, and Natives and Pacific Islanders represented about 2% of the population. Asian populations grew the fastest between 2000 and 2010. Hispanics had [...]
5 Ways to Overcome Your Abandonment Issues In Relationships
People who have experienced abandonment issues in relationships feel anything but self-assured. They feel lost, undesired, discarded, insignificant, and helpless. Abandonment is a traumatic shock to your emotional system because you are suddenly cut off from a significant relationship. Consequently, life after abandonment involves searching to fill this emotional void. Relationships become a minefield of rejection triggers. Your fear of abandonment in relationships runs the show and drives your partner away. You are sensitive, clingy, rigid, manipulative, anxious, and obsessive. The more you overreact and need, the more you despise yourself. You feel ashamed of your desperation. To cope with your [...]
Pre-Marriage Counseling: Why You Shouldn’t Skip This Step
It was December 10, 1993. I was on break from school and was heading up to Whitworth College in order to propose to my then girlfriend, Michelle. It was Christmas-time … and being the hopeless romantic that I am, I’d put the diamond ring that I’d secretly bought for her in the bottom of a stocking that I’d filled with other choice goodies. When Michelle finally found the ring, I’ll never forget the look of pleased astonishment on her face. I got down on one knee, asking her, “Michelle, will you marry me?” to which she responded with stunned joy by [...]
Signs of Teen Depression and How Counseling Can Help
Growing up isn’t easy. It certainly wasn’t in my case. Without a doubt, my teenage years were the hardest years of my life. I was always an extremely shy, quiet kid growing up, a condition that made me an easy target for some. School was in many ways a nightmare for me, as I was bullied mercilessly by my peers from the time I was in grade school up until about my sophomore year of high school. By the time I was 13 years old, I was fairly withdrawn and struggling mightily with depression and chronic thoughts of suicide. I can’t [...]
4 Reflective Tools from a Life Coach
The aim of this article is to look back at my life through the various tools employed by I/O Psychology in the areas of narrative therapy, taking a proactive view towards anticipated regrets, leveraging my weaknesses, and using the after-action review tool to aid in action learning during work. It is also my privilege to share these tools with you. Narrative Therapy Stories capture our imagination and give us insight into ourselves. Examining cultural meta-stories is one way to understand how I frame my past. One meta-story that has captured my imagination and told a larger of story of my life [...]
The Process of Christian Counseling
A conversation about the process of Christian Counseling with Ryan Likes, Community Counselor at Seattle’s Union Gospel Mission. Nitish: What are the greatest rewards and greatest joys in doing Christian Counseling? Ryan: The joy of listening to people. People want to be heard. Being invited into somebody’s story. Counseling is a safe place to hear what is really going on in people’s lives. People experience nourishment by being valued and being honored. Nitish: You see their soul being lit up. Ryan: A lot of times, this is where discovery happens. A lot of times we see God moving when we feel [...]